Ah, it's graduation time again! My congratulations to the highschool graduating class of 2011, and thanks to the teachers andsupport staff who made this day possible.
Dear graduates, there are a few things I want to tell you beforewe get on with the rest of the ceremony. I know that 99 percent ofall graduation speeches say much the same thing, and I can say thishaving endured them for over two decades. But if I may, as both anacademic and as a priest, inject a few words of reality into theusual turgid stuff about congratulations and "work your hardest inlife," I trust you will bear with me.
I want to say a few words to the 18-year-olds here who are goingoff to college in a couple of months. To my readers, perhaps youknow a college-bound person who needs this clipped out and sent tohim or her.
I want you to get this through your head. You are going to livebeyond the age of 30. I know you cannot imagine a world where youhave dark shadows under your eyes and talk with your co-workersabout your sore bones. But I promise you, that unless you areextremely unlucky, you are going to live to tell the tales.
Give some thought to the fact, my dear high school graduates, tothis fact that you will live past the age of 30. This is importantfor you to remember now, because this means that the decisions youare about to make in your life in the next five to 10 years willaffect the rest of your life. When you are my age, you will bless orcurse the decisions you make at your age. So remember a few thingsfor me.
1. I want you to be patient with your parents, as they hover overyou in your new independence and ask you unendingly about your diet,health and friends. I know you cannot remember being in diapers. Foryour parents, it was about 20 minutes ago. Try not to lie to them,and forgive their mistakes in raising you.
You would be amazed how much your parents need your approval, asmuch as you might need theirs. When you say thank you to them, andmean it, it means more than you can know. So be patient with theirfears about letting you go.
2. Alcohol addiction is a chain, which you can carry for life. Iam a college professor, and indeed a survivor of the '70s. I knowthat college students party a lot, much more than their parentswould like to believe. And I had a lot of fun in college. But thereis a dark side to partying.
The Bible tells us that wine is a gift of God to make glad thehearts of men. But it also warns us that it is a brawler and amocker, with a bite like an asp. Be wise and moderate when you gooff to school because better and smarter people than you have losttheir futures to an addiction that is incredibly easy to get.
3. Sex is a lot of fun, but it is not a game, and there areconsequences. The late science-
fiction writer Robert Heinlein once wrote that every generationthinks that they are the ones who invented sex. But I assure youyour parents and grandparents knew all about it and itsconsequences, which is one of the reasons you are here today.
I know you have all heard the lectures, which I will not repeathere, about STDs and the challenges of unplanned pregnancy, and Iwill not use this forum to talk about morality because, as I am aCatholic priest, you probably already know my opinions on that.
But let us think about our sexuality from a lifetime point ofview for a moment. Because of the power of sexuality to create lifeand to change human relationships, it has tremendous effects. C.S.Lewis once wrote that for most people, they will remember everyperson they have ever had sex with. And those memories will besomething that must be either cherished or endured for the rest oftheir lives.
I speak as one who hears hours of confessions each week. Yourparents, your grandparents tell me things in tears that would shockyou, which they bitterly regret now in later years.
So think carefully which permanent exhibits you wish to place inthe interior art gallery of your memory for the rest of your life, aunique masterpiece or a trashy horror. Purchase your future memorieswith the greatest of care.
4. The Internet never forgets. Here is the biggest differencebetween your generation and mine. When I left high school theInternet was probably a military secret. I never heard of it until Ihad finished my first master's degrees.
You knew it in your childhood. But here is something you need toremember. What you say online and where you go online can always betraced forever. That porno hit you made at 17 will be publicinformation when you are an executive in 20 years. So cruise andblog with care.
5. The same is true of photographs. The silly picture your friendtakes of you at an odd moment can now be made part of your life,forever. I assure you that your professors are sadly aware of this.
When I began teaching 25 years ago, we could say anything in theclassroom, and we had true academic freedom. Today I must lectureknowing that an ill-placed word or off-color phrase can be onYouTube before I finish my lecture. So take care how you are seen inpublic.
The British public recently enjoyed an election in which theprime minister of her majesty's government, the Hon. Tony Blair, wastreated to Internet shots of young Tony, age 19, at Oxford with hairdown to his rump.
And which of us was not amused by the governor of Alaska and vicepresidential candidate Sarah Palin's image on the Internet, age 18,in a string bikini washing a car?
A college student I know showed me a hilarious cellphone shot ofhimself and a friend going to a college dance in drag. Let us hopehis future employers, bride and grandchildren find the image equallyworthwhile.
6. Be very careful about the friends you make in the firstsemester of college. You will spend the rest of your four- or five-year experience either carrying them or escaping them.
When we are new and alone, we want to make friends quickly, butthis is not always wisdom. In the first century B.C., Marcus TulliusCicero said that a true friend is one to whom you can confideanything, and therefore they should be few in number.
7. Memorandum to young women: Be careful of the foreign studentwho says, "I need help practicing my English." He may have otheragendas and colorful views on the moral character of American women.
This applies to people of many nations and cultures, andparticularly those from very conservative religious nations. Theyoung gentlemen sometimes have the idea of getting things out oftheir systems before returning to their more orthodox home. Do notbe a victim.
8. Do not take classes from the "easy A" professor or on thefrivolous topic to fill up your schedule. I am sorry to say thatthere are a lot of self-important people in the academic world.
I know one young lady at a private college who took a class invery liberal theology from a very popular professor and earned a Bon all her papers. And the very angry, righteous professor failedher because she missed half the classes, and she had to sit throughthe whole twaddle again.
The theology might have been liberal but the professor was notwhen it came to the application of grades. Take a class because youneed to or because you want to and not because it is rumored to bean easy ride.
9. Save your money. Get a job this summer if you can before youstart school and save every single cent. You have no idea how muchmoney your education is going to cost. It is always a worthyinvestment to spend in education, but you will have to spend a lot.Save whatever you can starting right now.
10. Remember to keep a sense of humor and do not take yourselftoo seriously. This will get you though many crises in life. Go inpeace, to love and serve the Lord.
Gregory Elder, a Redlands resident, is a professor of history andhumanities at Moreno Valley College and a Roman Catholic priest.Write to him at Professing Faith, P.O. Box 8102, Redlands, CA 92375-1302, email him at askfathergregory@verizon.net or follow him onTwitter at Fatherelder.
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